Setbacks at work, whether it is a failed project, a missed promotion, or a critical mistake, can feel like personal failures. The emotional weight of these moments often stems from how we interpret them. For example, if you associate a setback with your self-worth, it can trigger shame or self-doubt. But setbacks are not a reflection of your value. They are a natural part of growth. The key to resilience lies in how you respond emotionally and practically.
Resilience is not about avoiding failure. It is about growing and adapting through it. Research in psychology shows that resilient people share a few common traits:
Optimism: They view setbacks as temporary and specific, rather than permanent and pervasive. For example, instead of thinking "I will never be good at this", they think "This did not work out, but I will improve next time".
Emotional Regulation: They acknowledge their emotions but do not let them spiral. This might mean taking a break to process frustration before addressing the issue.
Problem-Solving: They focus on what they can control and take actionable steps to move forward.
Social Support: They lean on colleagues, mentors or friends for perspective and encouragement.
Emotional intelligence amplifies resilience by helping you recognise and manage your emotions, empathise with others, and communicate effectively during tough times.
Emotional intelligence (EI) helps you grow through setbacks by:
Self-Awareness: Recognising your emotional triggers and how they affect your thoughts and actions. For example, if you feel defensive after feedback, self-awareness helps you pause and reflect instead of reacting impulsively.
Self-Regulation: Managing your emotions so they do not derail your recovery. This might mean reframing negative thoughts or taking time to cool down before responding.
Empathy: Understanding how others are affected by the setback. If a project fails, empathy helps you consider your team's perspective and collaborate on solutions.
Social Skills: Communicating openly about the setback, asking for feedback and working with others to find a path forward.
Instead of seeing a setback as a failure, view it as a learning opportunity. Ask yourself:
What did I learn from this?
How can I apply this lesson in the future?
What is one thing I can do differently next time?
Example: If a presentation did not go as planned, reflect on what did not work (e.g. unclear slides, lack of practice) and how you can improve for the next one.
Setbacks can bruise your confidence. Counteract self-criticism with self-compassion. Remind yourself:
Everyone makes mistakes.
This does not define me.
I am capable of growing from this.
Action Step: Write down three things you did well, even in the face of the setback. This shifts your focus from failure to progress.
Growth is not just about feeling better; it is about doing better. Break down your next steps into small, achievable actions. For example:
If you missed a deadline, identify what slowed you down and adjust your workflow.
If you received critical feedback, ask for clarification and create a plan to address it.
Example: After a failed product launch, a resilient leader might gather the team to analyse what went wrong, identify key lessons, and create a revised plan.
You do not have to grow through setbacks alone. Reach out to colleagues, mentors, or friends for perspective and encouragement. Sharing your experience can reduce feelings of isolation and provide new insights.
Example: If you are struggling after a setback, talk to a mentor who has faced similar challenges. Their advice can help you see the situation more clearly.
Setbacks are often the catalyst for growth. They force you to reassess your approach, learn new skills, and build resilience. The most successful professionals are not those who avoid failure; they are the ones who use it as a stepping stone.
Key Insight: Every setback is an opportunity to build emotional strength. The more you practice growing through challenges, the more confident you become in your ability to handle future adversity.
Imagine you have just been passed over for a promotion you worked hard for. You are feeling disappointed and frustrated.
What emotions are you experiencing, and how might emotional intelligence help you manage them?
What is one actionable step you could take to grow from this setback?
How might you use this experience to grow professionally?
