TAKEAWAY
"You" messages put the other person on the defense, and can come across as disrespectful. In contrast, "I" messages allow individuals to communicate as equals in a respectful, goal-oriented dialogue.
OVERVIEW
There are three types of "I" messages: perception, impact and expectations
Function:
you show your view of things.
Suitable for:
different perspectives
Examples:
- "I see that..."
- "I have noticed that..."
- "It seems to me that..."
Function:
you give an assessment, without a sweeping judgment.
Suitable for:
feedback
Examples:
- "I have the feeling that..."
- "I find it a pity that..."
- "For me, XY seems..."
Function:
you say what would be desirable.
Suitable for:
subtle suggestions for corrections
Examples:
- "I wish..."
- "I can recommend XY because..."
- "I would be delighted if..."
TIP
Hidden "You" Messages
Do not use "I" messages that are hidden "you" messages and contain an assumption, interpretation or judgment.
Examples:
- "I feel misunderstood…"
- "From my point of view, your presentation has not been thought through."
- "I find that you are not taking me seriously."
EXERCISE
Transforming "You" Messages
Listed below is a series of statements that use "you." Convert the sentences into appreciative "I" messages.
- "You don't even care when our office is a mess."
- "You have to see that your whole plan wouldn't work."
- "You don't seem to know that the monthly figures have to be given at the start of the report."
