One of the most powerful tools you can learn when working with kids – whether as a teacher or as a parent – is to recognise when a child is STUCK in a negative emotional state and interrupt that state to get them back on track. We can do this by looking at 3 areas: Listen to the words they are using, watch for the body language and understand what they are focussing on. Once we recognise these – all we need to do is find a way to interrupt the negative thought pattern!
To make this easy to read, I’ll refer to these negative thoughts as ‘fear’.
What are the 3 things to look for to identify when the focus is on fear?
Language: The first is fairly obvious – language such as “can’t, haven’t, never….” are all words of loss. Their survival instinct has kicked in. When the brain gets a fear signal it can’t distinguish between an imagined fear or a rise in anxiety vs. actual danger. And thus the instinct to avoid fear kicks in by creating self-doubt, this steers them clear of heading into ‘danger’.
Physiology: Next, look at their body language. Are they looking confident with their shoulders back, head high and steady breathing? Or are you noticing a self-protective body – one curling into itself? NOTE HOWEVER: This one does get trickier as anger can also mimic confidence, chest out, shoulders and head up can be defensive. So, in this case pay attention to the words AND their breathing and the tone.
Focus: Lastly we identify what they are focussing on. The more they focus on the fear, the greater it will grow, the more self-doubt creeps in and the further from the real goal they get! The key is to change that focus point by interrupting the pattern! And by the way… you may have to do this a few times…
Take a moment to let your thoughts drift to a goal you have had for a while but have not progressed on. Why haven’t you reached it yet? What’s stopping you from seeing it through? Can you hear the voice in your head telling you all the reasons why you can’t / shouldn’t / won’t do it? Perhaps someone you respect put a little doubt into your mind and you can’t seem to see past it now.
